Drowning In My Questions [Self Portrait Narrative]

2/11/22

I went to bed last night and had this vision of a house filled with water. The concept of drowning is interesting to me. Actually, a lot of physical concepts interest me, because I now know they can be just as metaphorical and emotional as they are literal.

It might seem kind of silly at first glance, but I think that we can be in the comfort of one's own home, surroundings, and environment, yet still feel like we're drowning. 

Maybe it's in heartbreak. Maybe it's in debt. Maybe it's in motherhood. Maybe it's in divorce. Maybe it's drowning in questions.

We can move from place to place, ease into brand new or familiar territory, run from our problems, run from here to there, stay busy, stay occupied, even stay home...but who we are on the inside can still be the same. And who we are on the inside will follow. Our grief, our despair, our questions, our "inner demons". 

Lately, there's been one question I've asked God over and over:

Why?

"I looked to You, drowning in my questions." 

Tonight is one of those nights where I don't have the answers. Many of us are in that tender, restless spot. But even when it feels like drowning...keep looking up.